From the northernmost tip of Thailand

So it's been more than a year since I last posted. Many things have changed and seasons and come and gone. I am sitting on the floor, all by myself in a house and yet not feeling lonely. I really thank God for all that He has given me and how He has blessed me with things big and small.

Being here in Maesai is something that has been in my mind for a long time. And now that I am here, it feels different from what I imagined it to be. I did struggle with it, wondering whether it was God's plan for me to be here, or my plan that I tried to fit into God's own. This was mentioned in our last week of lectures before DTS graduation. It struck me really hard, that whether this is my dream for God or God's dream for me. But God is assuring me that my being here is indeed His plan for me. Maybe I will realize it fully in perspective. Or maybe never fully. But I know that I am here now and I have to do my best and be my best for God.

Coming out of DTS, a part of me wants to go out and share the gospel with everyone, so that no one is declined the opportunity to hear about God's love for each of them. Another part of me, the larger part actually, wants to just stay quiet in a corner. DTS was a safe place to be in, with familiar faces around all the time in familiar surroundings. Those are the makings of a home. It was a safe environment to make mistakes, and to grow. To know that the people around you will support and encourage you. Well, that season is over and it is now to move on. But I thank God for all the friendships forged and I know that they are there to last.

It will definitely be a learning and growing curve for me here in Maesai. Not just in ministry, but in my own life. Truth be told, I am afraid and I feel that there is a lot to live up for. Looking at my own abilities and looking at the tasks will prove daunting. But I am not serving man, but the one and only God. And He's not looking to give me full marks in my tasks here. He wants my heart, my life. He wants me to recognise that I cannot live without Him. For without Him, all that I do is in vain.

So I put my life in His Hands. And I trust Him to carry me through. Because I know that I cannot do it alone. And I am here because He wants me to.