From the northernmost tip of Thailand

So it's been more than a year since I last posted. Many things have changed and seasons and come and gone. I am sitting on the floor, all by myself in a house and yet not feeling lonely. I really thank God for all that He has given me and how He has blessed me with things big and small.

Being here in Maesai is something that has been in my mind for a long time. And now that I am here, it feels different from what I imagined it to be. I did struggle with it, wondering whether it was God's plan for me to be here, or my plan that I tried to fit into God's own. This was mentioned in our last week of lectures before DTS graduation. It struck me really hard, that whether this is my dream for God or God's dream for me. But God is assuring me that my being here is indeed His plan for me. Maybe I will realize it fully in perspective. Or maybe never fully. But I know that I am here now and I have to do my best and be my best for God.

Coming out of DTS, a part of me wants to go out and share the gospel with everyone, so that no one is declined the opportunity to hear about God's love for each of them. Another part of me, the larger part actually, wants to just stay quiet in a corner. DTS was a safe place to be in, with familiar faces around all the time in familiar surroundings. Those are the makings of a home. It was a safe environment to make mistakes, and to grow. To know that the people around you will support and encourage you. Well, that season is over and it is now to move on. But I thank God for all the friendships forged and I know that they are there to last.

It will definitely be a learning and growing curve for me here in Maesai. Not just in ministry, but in my own life. Truth be told, I am afraid and I feel that there is a lot to live up for. Looking at my own abilities and looking at the tasks will prove daunting. But I am not serving man, but the one and only God. And He's not looking to give me full marks in my tasks here. He wants my heart, my life. He wants me to recognise that I cannot live without Him. For without Him, all that I do is in vain.

So I put my life in His Hands. And I trust Him to carry me through. Because I know that I cannot do it alone. And I am here because He wants me to.

Now, now.

I know that in time, things will be different. Good or bad different, I am yet to know. And I might not even remember what thought are in between these lines.

Easter 5
Almighty and everlasting God, you are always more ready to hear than we to pray and give more than either we desire or deserve. Pour down upon us the abundance of your mercy, forgiving us those things of which we are not worthy to ask of Jesus Christ your Son our Lord.

But for now, I say to myself, " There, there."

I could do this all day long. =)

So the week has almost come to an end, and with it the month as well. I realised I've been obsessed with counting down the days and weeks and months. To nothing in particular actually or rather to an unknown future. Just that ending the second quarter so soon seems to just bring me closer to that.

So anyway I'm here to share my week with you as promised. A week of many late nights I should say, pushing away all appointments. But it has been fun. Maybe therapeutic as well, as my coursemates would put it. Three hours of baking by my mum; fifteen hours of rolling, cutting, molding and icing; thirty-six roses and two fondant-covered cakes later, here's the result!

Yeah!! I'm proud of this cake! Been looking forward to putting this cake together together. My sweetest creation to date I think! I did put alot of hard work in especially for the roses, which took about thirteen minutes apiece. Do the math, ya. I did cut short on the leaves and calyxes though. Ha! But I achieved the simple elegant blue-white look that I had in mind. Don't you like it as well? I really didn't mind putting in the hours and effort. Hence the title of the post.

And that's what I call progress! There has to be progress in everything right? Definitely brings justice to the many hours and dollars invested in this hobby of mine. And of course, it benefits those around me as well. Heads nodding, I hope.

I'm going to dedicate this cake to Anthea, who's turning a sweet 21 tomorrow and due back in Singapore in a week's time. Hope she likes it as much as I do.

And so, time to catch up with gatherings and meetups that I've been neglecting. See you soon!

All in the month of May,

So the month of May rushed in and is almost out of the door. Along with two different courses, a mini-project and lots of cakes, cookies and baking. The past two weeks have been exceptional I must say, though it really doesn't speak alot for itself. Oh, and a hugely pleasant surprise. I just need the faith to believe and take that first step. A friendly nudge, anyone?

It's quite scary to think that 5 months of two-oh-oh-nine has just whizzed by like that. I need to take time to sit down and relive the past, ponder the present and mull over the future. I haven't been the best that I am lately and I admit it. Need to get my act together. A tad feeling of deja vu as I typed the last phrase. Have I said it somewhere before?

Truth be spoken, I'm actually waiting for this month to pass. This last week will prove to be a challenging one and I will tell you why in due time. =) I do hope to have something great to show you all. Then in June, I can finally catch up with all the appointments that are long due, some for a good part of a year!!

So have a good week ahead and enjoy what's left of May. May May muster many merry moments! Alliteration at its best!

What lies ahead.

So again I feel that am slower by a beat, though it's definitely not a competition or anything like that. Should I take that step of faith, or by my standards, more like a leap into the unknown? Maybe I've subconsciously chosen to avoid the obvious, so that I would not have to face up to it? I need to get my life in check. I'm just not built for decision-making. I just ask for a smooth year.

The two sides of April.

One more to come. Stay tuned!

What matters most.

This is a snapshot of the aeroplane flying over Chiang Rai last year in October, with Davy beside me. I think he took this shot. I can't really remember. And another camp goes by again.

The lion turns and roars, only to meet another of its kind. So here I am again, wondering what I should share here, whether it will benefit you or me, or even who's reading. Many many thoughts running through my mind. Like a phrase I read somewhere, "you can only find when you are truly lost".

This isn't supposed to sound so melancholic but somehow it just feels that way. And you wonder how things can change so much in the blink of an eye. I do. And thus I approach each day with trepidation. Draining, simply put.

But no, I can't just go looking in a medicine chest for help. Not just a salve for a sore, an ointment for an ache, a band-aid for a wound. self-medication just doesn't work either. Just go straight to the Healer, the One who has been through and understands and hears. Each and every time. I just have to learn to give Him my ears and my time. My heart. My life.

"Through him and for his name's sake, we received grace and apostleship to call people
from among all the Gentiles to the obedience that comes from faith."

Roman 1:5