.

From the northernmost tip of Thailand

2011-05-29T21:21:00.009+08:00

So it's been more than a year since I last posted. Many things have changed and seasons and come and gone. I am sitting on the floor, all by myself in a house and yet not feeling lonely. I really thank God for all that He has given me and how He has blessed me with things big and small.

Being here in Maesai is something that has been in my mind for a long time. And now that I am here, it feels different from what I imagined it to be. I did struggle with it, wondering whether it was God's plan for me to be here, or my plan that I tried to fit into God's own. This was mentioned in our last week of lectures before DTS graduation. It struck me really hard, that whether this is my dream for God or God's dream for me. But God is assuring me that my being here is indeed His plan for me. Maybe I will realize it fully in perspective. Or maybe never fully. But I know that I am here now and I have to do my best and be my best for God.

Coming out of DTS, a part of me wants to go out and share the gospel with everyone, so that no one is declined the opportunity to hear about God's love for each of them. Another part of me, the larger part actually, wants to just stay quiet in a corner. DTS was a safe place to be in, with familiar faces around all the time in familiar surroundings. Those are the makings of a home. It was a safe environment to make mistakes, and to grow. To know that the people around you will support and encourage you. Well, that season is over and it is now to move on. But I thank God for all the friendships forged and I know that they are there to last.

It will definitely be a learning and growing curve for me here in Maesai. Not just in ministry, but in my own life. Truth be told, I am afraid and I feel that there is a lot to live up for. Looking at my own abilities and looking at the tasks will prove daunting. But I am not serving man, but the one and only God. And He's not looking to give me full marks in my tasks here. He wants my heart, my life. He wants me to recognise that I cannot live without Him. For without Him, all that I do is in vain.

So I put my life in His Hands. And I trust Him to carry me through. Because I know that I cannot do it alone. And I am here because He wants me to.

Now, now.

2010-05-09T21:23:00.003+08:00

I know that in time, things will be different. Good or bad different, I am yet to know. And I might not even remember what thought are in between these lines.

Easter 5
Almighty and everlasting God, you are always more ready to hear than we to pray and give more than either we desire or deserve. Pour down upon us the abundance of your mercy, forgiving us those things of which we are not worthy to ask of Jesus Christ your Son our Lord.

But for now, I say to myself, " There, there."

I could do this all day long. =)

2009-05-30T19:35:00.006+08:00

So the week has almost come to an end, and with it the month as well. I realised I've been obsessed with counting down the days and weeks and months. To nothing in particular actually or rather to an unknown future. Just that ending the second quarter so soon seems to just bring me closer to that.

So anyway I'm here to share my week with you as promised. A week of many late nights I should say, pushing away all appointments. But it has been fun. Maybe therapeutic as well, as my coursemates would put it. Three hours of baking by my mum; fifteen hours of rolling, cutting, molding and icing; thirty-six roses and two fondant-covered cakes later, here's the result!

Yeah!! I'm proud of this cake! Been looking forward to putting this cake together together. My sweetest creation to date I think! I did put alot of hard work in especially for the roses, which took about thirteen minutes apiece. Do the math, ya. I did cut short on the leaves and calyxes though. Ha! But I achieved the simple elegant blue-white look that I had in mind. Don't you like it as well? I really didn't mind putting in the hours and effort. Hence the title of the post.

And that's what I call progress! There has to be progress in everything right? Definitely brings justice to the many hours and dollars invested in this hobby of mine. And of course, it benefits those around me as well. Heads nodding, I hope.

I'm going to dedicate this cake to Anthea, who's turning a sweet 21 tomorrow and due back in Singapore in a week's time. Hope she likes it as much as I do.

And so, time to catch up with gatherings and meetups that I've been neglecting. See you soon!

All in the month of May,

2009-05-24T22:35:00.005+08:00

So the month of May rushed in and is almost out of the door. Along with two different courses, a mini-project and lots of cakes, cookies and baking. The past two weeks have been exceptional I must say, though it really doesn't speak alot for itself. Oh, and a hugely pleasant surprise. I just need the faith to believe and take that first step. A friendly nudge, anyone?

It's quite scary to think that 5 months of two-oh-oh-nine has just whizzed by like that. I need to take time to sit down and relive the past, ponder the present and mull over the future. I haven't been the best that I am lately and I admit it. Need to get my act together. A tad feeling of deja vu as I typed the last phrase. Have I said it somewhere before?

Truth be spoken, I'm actually waiting for this month to pass. This last week will prove to be a challenging one and I will tell you why in due time. =) I do hope to have something great to show you all. Then in June, I can finally catch up with all the appointments that are long due, some for a good part of a year!!

So have a good week ahead and enjoy what's left of May. May May muster many merry moments! Alliteration at its best!

What lies ahead.

2009-04-26T22:08:00.003+08:00

So again I feel that am slower by a beat, though it's definitely not a competition or anything like that. Should I take that step of faith, or by my standards, more like a leap into the unknown? Maybe I've subconsciously chosen to avoid the obvious, so that I would not have to face up to it? I need to get my life in check. I'm just not built for decision-making. I just ask for a smooth year.

The two sides of April.

2009-04-16T22:24:00.001+08:00

One more to come. Stay tuned!

What matters most.

2009-04-15T20:11:00.006+08:00

This is a snapshot of the aeroplane flying over Chiang Rai last year in October, with Davy beside me. I think he took this shot. I can't really remember. And another camp goes by again.

The lion turns and roars, only to meet another of its kind. So here I am again, wondering what I should share here, whether it will benefit you or me, or even who's reading. Many many thoughts running through my mind. Like a phrase I read somewhere, "you can only find when you are truly lost".

This isn't supposed to sound so melancholic but somehow it just feels that way. And you wonder how things can change so much in the blink of an eye. I do. And thus I approach each day with trepidation. Draining, simply put.

But no, I can't just go looking in a medicine chest for help. Not just a salve for a sore, an ointment for an ache, a band-aid for a wound. self-medication just doesn't work either. Just go straight to the Healer, the One who has been through and understands and hears. Each and every time. I just have to learn to give Him my ears and my time. My heart. My life.

"Through him and for his name's sake, we received grace and apostleship to call people
from among all the Gentiles to the obedience that comes from faith."

Roman 1:5

Some happy faces.

2009-03-23T21:47:00.010+08:00

So it's been a long month past. Where I traversed every single day as its own, to get to the end of each day. To count my blessings and know that He is leading. To learn how it is to be stripped of everything and depend solely on Him. And prayers. Lots of. In a time of waiting, seeking and humility.

So there's a brief summary of sorts. Words are hard to flow nowadays and I do find myself building up a wall around me. Maybe to keep myself in. Maybe to keep others out.

On a sweeter note, here's a peek into the sweets that have been churned out of my kitchen this year.

Need to get my daily fix of Noah Wyle now. Haha! Shall end with this screen shot. Yes, kids nowadays are starting younger and younger.

The Curious Case of the Indignant Ostrich

2009-02-07T20:17:00.007+08:00

"Why the title?", you might ask. This bird would walk towards the crowd and seem to like to bask in the attention while its partner was busy rolling a fake egg up and down its beak. And at the same, purse its beak as depicted. If it is possible to purse a beak. So there you have it.

So the party ran its course and finished a good hour ahead of schedule. All was good and I did not walk away with the tv or the Wii. That was good too. I was content and that's what matters. =)

So a walk through Jurong BirdPark brought us to many kinds of birds. Duh. Flightless birds who descended from dinosaurs, birds of pray, hornbills who were blowing their horns, crowned pigeons, graceful swans, pink and not-so-pink flamingoes, and my favourite, the penguins. The list goes on. The list of God's creation goes on.

"By causing the creation to come into being by his word of power, God establishes it as part of his own vast kingdom. He thus establishes himself as the great King over all creation, without limits of any kind, and worthy to receive all glory, honour, and power in the worship of what he has created. ...
As God creates, he names what he creates, and this again is an expression of his sovereignty. 'The act of giving a name meant, above all, the exercise of a sovereign right. ... Thus the naming of this and all subsequent creative works once more expresses graphically God's claim of lordship over the creatures.' ...
In God's own creative work, he acts for the good of what he has made and not for his own selfish pleasure. For example, he creates a perfect home for humankind. And at every point in God's work within it, the creation is described as 'good' and 'very good'. Over this good creation, God calls the human 'ruler' to serve as steward or under-sovereign, to embody God's own care for, and protection of, his good creation un his own sovereign rule over the earth. Psalm 8:6 expresses this wonderfully: the glory of human beings is that God has made them 'ruler over the works of [his] hands.' It is impossible to read this as suggesting that humans are free to do what they like with God's workmanship. Above all things, the human caretakers are accountable to the divine Creator of the world entrusted to their care."

- The Drama of Scripture

So let us as people of God, use the authority that God has given us on this earth to take care of the environment and all it holds, which has been for generations and will be for generations.

I don't really like to wish people "Happy Chinese New Year!"

2009-01-26T00:27:00.004+08:00

Let's see now. I don't really have much to say here. So I shall blog a cookie. Or cookies. Nothing to do with Chinese New Year. But just a cookie cutter that I purchased in 2007 and only used it for the first time last week.

The angels were made for the January babies in Sparklers, who all turned out to be girls, which made it all the more apt for the occasion. Little angels for little girls. Of course, boys are their own little angels too! =)

Was thinking of how to take pictures of the cookie when I saw the open window and the blue sky and the sunlight shining in. So I just snapped a silhouette of the cookie with the sky as backdrop.

I shall savour the remaining two days of holidays. It's been much like a holiday so far! Best with hotcakes for breakfast! What do you expect right?
I'm off to watch House now. Ahh. The joys of sleeping in and not having to wake up to the alarm.
Shall leave you with two of my little angels. They're really growing up fast..too fast for me!!

One True God - Mark Harris

2009-01-16T23:26:00.002+08:00

Just thought to show this song. The lyrics speak for themselves and speak for the One True God that we have.

I don't have a God I can put on a stand
Or a God I hold in the palm of my hand
I have a God that's holding me
And I don't have a God that I can create
In the place I live with the money I make
I have a God, He made everything
So I don't need a temporary man made deity
When I got the real thing
I got the real thing

He's the Lord of all the earth
The maker of all things
He alone is the one true God
Kingdoms rise and fall
But even through it all
He remains
The one true God

I don't have a thing that I got on my own
I don't have a care that I carry alone
But I have a God who's carrying me
I don't have sin that He doesn't forgive
And I don't have a heart that is worthy of His
But I have a God who still loves me
So I don't need a temporary man made deity
When I got the real thing
I got the real thing

Who is this King of Glory
The Lord strong and mighty
Who is this King of Glory
The Lord strong and mighty
Who is this King of Glory
Who is this King of Glory

The first 15 days of 2009...

2009-01-13T23:16:00.005+08:00

...passed in a whiz! And I mean it! Twenty-four times this period and we'll be at Christmas again. Am I too ahead of my time? Haha!

And so, yes, I baked. A carrot cake, some chocolate cupcakes, more cupcakes, a cheesecake and some cookies. I love the oozing cream cheese frosting from between the layers of cake. A tad too zesty for me though.

So here are some excited hands trying to arrange the cupcakes in an manner most artistic as possible. It was a surprise but it really did not follow through the initial plan at all, or what I had so nicely planned. My mum just gave out all the cakes as soon as they all arrived and said 'surprise'. The end. "Are you surprised?", she still asked.

So here's the whole set, and then we were told that we missed out a letter 'n'. Do you know how much I hate to spell another's name wrongly? Which means also that this is the second year that we spelt the name wrongly because I checked with last year's cake just to make sure. Another double 'n' in a name. I like that.

Have I told you before how baking is like therapy for me? Measuring, mixing, scooping, cutting. Really takes my mind off things to focus on the now, the dough, the batter in front of me. I do hope to bake more stuff this year and to try new desserts too. Stay tuned for more sweets alright!

Here's some hearts from me to you for sweeter days ahead!

2008 - A year of ...

2009-01-01T16:40:00.006+08:00

... CUPCAKES

... BIRTHDAY CUPCAKES

... CAKES

... MAE SAI

... SAWANG DAENDIN

A lot of butter, sugar and flour

2008-12-28T01:55:00.004+08:00

The whole house smells like cookies, heavy in the still air. I did too, or at least I felt like a cookie, buttery and all. After going through more than 1500 cookies of five different, I'm over cookies. At least for 2008. =)

You better appreciate it. From start to end, 14 hours straight in the kitchen.

Oh yes. Let me share yet another song with you. Hopefully, we can play this rendition of the song in church. Takes the years of monotony of the song away.

I'm leaving you with the result of the hours of dough and high temperatures.

Blessed Christmas to all!

2008-12-25T00:27:00.006+08:00

What is Christmas all about to you? Let's not forget the one person who is the reason for the season. Without whom we would not even have a a Christmas day. Take time amidst all the shopping and food and gifts and parties to thank God for all He has done for you.

So I have been waiting for this day to share the video with you. I absolutely love the song since the first time I heard it. On www.klove.com again. Here's my own little take on the birthday (cup)cake.

Only 6 more days to 2009, where a new year awaits. So here's wishing everyone,
"Merry Christmas and a blessed new year with days filled with much love, joy and peace!"

Happy birthday to the December baby as well! That's a cupcake whirl, moving so fast it's blur! =)

And here's a shot of my sweetie pies to end this post. May your days be as sweet as this!

Do drop me a comment if you like the cupcakes! I need some action here! Hohoho!

Lame cookies...literally!

2008-11-28T02:30:00.002+08:00

Hello!
I have a song to share with you. One that I heard over this radio station called KLOVE. It's a meaningful song and I like the melody too. Go listen to it.

Here I Am - Downhere
--------------------
Sometimes Your calling comes in dream
Sometimes it comes in the Spirit's breeze
You reach for the deepest hope in me
And call out for the things of eternity

But I'm a man of dust and stains
You move in me so I can say

Chorus:
Here I am, Lord send me
All of my life I make an offering
Here I am, Lord send me
Somehow my story is a part of Your plan
Here I am

When setbacks and failures and upset plans
Test my faith and leave me with empty hands
Are You not the closest when it's hardest to stand?
I know that You will finish what You began

And these broken parts You redeem
Become the song that I can sing

Bridge:
Overwhelmed by the thought of my weakness
And the fear that I'll fear You in the end
In this mess, I'm just one of the pieces
I can't put this together but You can

On a little side note, I'm off to a short trip in a few hours time.
Thanks for all the birthday wishes and presents.
And ice-cream OVERLOAD!
But I don't know whether to be sad or happy when people ask me whether did I bake my own birthday cake.
Oh well. =)
Still for everyone's good right?
It'll be December when I'm back. Time really flies!!
Byebye!!

not so easy peasy, more like fizzy dizzy .

2008-11-14T21:32:00.001+08:00

The past two days have been...those days. Where my tummy feels queasy and my legs feel like jelly. Where the leaves swirl and spin in the wind in unending circles. Where dark clouds loom and the rain pours down relentlessly. Where for just a few minutes, the sun would peep out in all its full glory. Where all that's missing is a rainbow to put some colour back in the sky.

So I attempt to make my own rainbow and add in some colours. To some avail, I guess. But I can't save myself or the world for that matter. Neither can all of us. Just doing our bit here and there, hoping that in some way it will impact positively, less all the damage and wastage from the whole process. And just like that, a week is almost over, another to come. But what is to come? I know not.

If you know it, you know it. If not, it's alright. Doubts and questions inundate the thinking process.Thoughts are filled with multiple 'maybes', 'buts', 'hows', 'ifs'. And there are things that I've forgotten to do over time. Which is the worst part of it. You can't undo it. You can only start from scratch again. Shucks. Always easier said than done.

So it's Saturday morning now, by the time I finish this post, and I'm off to make colourful flowers and sweet roses. Hopefully, the coming weeks will be like that too. I'm not asking for a bed of roses. There's a fair share of thorns as well! Just some nagging apprehension at the back of my mind that eats into me. It's okay. It better be.

You Are So Faithful.

2008-10-11T12:29:00.003+08:00

He is Waiting in the Midst of the Storm
by Max Lucado

Peter knows he is in trouble.

The winds roar down onto the Sea of Galilee like a hawk on a rat. Lightning zigzags across the black sky. The clouds vibrate with thunder. The rain taps, then pops, then slaps against the deck of the boat until everyone aboard is soaked and shaking. Ten-foot waves pick them up and slam them down again with bonejarring force.

These drenched men don't look like a team of apostles who are only a decade away from changing the world. And you can be sure of one thing. The one with the widest eyes is the one with the biggest biceps--Peter. He's seen these storms before. He's seen the wreckage and bloated bodies float to shore. He knows what the fury of wind and wave can do. And he knows that times like this are not times to make a name for yourself; they're times to get some help.

That is why, when he sees Jesus walking on the water toward the boat, he is the first to say, "Lord, if it's you ... tell me to come to you on the water." (Matthew 14:28)

He is aware of two facts: He's going down, and Jesus is staying up. And it doesn't take him too long to decide where he would rather be.

Perhaps a better interpretation of his request would be, "Jeeeeeeeesus. If that is you, then get me out of here!"

"Come on" is the invitation.

And Peter doesn't have to be told twice. It's not every day that you walk on water through waves that are taller than you are. But when faced with the alternative of sure death or possible life, Peter knows which one he wants.

The first few steps go well. But a few strides out onto the water, and he forgets to look to the One who got him there in the first place, and down he plunges.

Peter's response may lack class--it probably wouldn't get him on the cover of Gentleman's Quarterly or even Sports Illustrated--but it gets him out of some deep water:

"Help me!"

And since Peter would rather swallow pride than water, a hand comes through the rain and pulls him up.

The message is clear.

As long as Jesus is one of many options, he is no option. As long as you can carry your burdens alone, you don't need a burden bearer. As long as your situation brings you no grief, you will receive no comfort. And as long as you can take him or leave him, you might as well leave him, because he won't be taken half-heartedly.

But when you mourn, when you get to the point of sorrow for your sins, when you admit that you have no other option but to cast all your cares on him, and when there is truly no other name that you can call, then cast all your cares on him, for he is waiting in the midst of the storm.

From
The Applause of Heaven
© (Thomas Nelson Publishers, 1999) Max Lucado

Happy Children's Day

2008-10-02T23:22:00.002+08:00

We will always be the cheeky ones!

The weekend. And days long.

2008-09-21T21:33:00.000+08:00

Alright. No live beings here. Only innate objects.

I've just spent most of my waking weekend hours in the kitchen, in the time that I'm at home.

In a nutshell: Decorate cupcakes, frost cake, decorate cake, bake cake, bake cream puffs, stuff cream puffs and to frost cake.

Many minutes later...

Okay. Just finished frosting. Final installment tomorrow to decorate cake. Still contemplating baking a batch in return for a favour.

It's therapeutic. Really takes my mind off things, things non-essential to a perfectly risen cake.

No, I'm not complaining. I kinda like the feeling perhaps.

My somewhat sentences are becoming errant and incoherent.

Thank You for the reminder today. So I know that You are still near.

I don't know. Too long, too far, too different maybe?

Anyway, have a colourful sprinkle-ly week ahead!

Do you love horror movies too?

2008-09-20T23:58:00.001+08:00

Cupcake Capers: "The Horror", originally uploaded by Cakespy

Go figure.

2008-09-06T00:17:00.000+08:00

Adapted and personalised.

Life is beautiful. And cute.

2008-09-04T23:08:00.001+08:00

Of piping and flowers.

Of kids and sparklers.

Of birthdays and cakes.

Of Singapore and her skyline

Yeah... yeah... yeah yeah yeah!!!

2008-08-14T09:53:00.001+08:00

I serve a risen Saviour
He's in the world today
I know that He is living
Whatever men may say
I see His hand of mercy
I hear His voice of cheer
And just the time I need Him
He's always near

He lives! He lives!
Christ Jesus lives today
He walks with me and talks with me
Along life's narrow way
He lives! He lives!
Salvation to impart
You ask me how I know He lives
He lives within my heart

So this song has been playing in my head over the past few days.
I really don't know where it popped out from.
Probably from primary school or old church days.
The chorus rings so true, especially the last two lines.
Because these few weeks have been Iwanttorunawayfromtheworld weeks.
Got that? Yes? No?
Struggling between
One. The things I know I should do
Two. The 'but I don't want to' or 'I'm lazy to'.
Three. The things I want to do
And so now when I look back at the lyrics that I've just typed,
I realise that "Hey! They are so true!"
And again I know that it is no mere coincidence.

Now I can't stop looking at this picture.

Boy, oh boy. I really miss my camera.

A mini cake-bake update

2008-07-24T21:29:00.002+08:00

Hello!
I'm back with cupcakes and cakes! July and August are usually busy birthday months with a celebration every other week! See the smiles on the July babies! Hector just couldn't get enough of the cupcakes. Notice the miniature cookie monster?

Three down and more to come!

Have you ever seen a cupcake so yummy and sexy at the same time?

I love baking.
And the smiles that follow.

As we go forth in His Name

2008-07-17T23:19:00.000+08:00

That's one funky babe, right?
Yeah, so that's the precious one I love, the best there ever can be.
Happy birthday Mama!
I always thank God for you!

"Mold me and make me, this is what I pray."

2008-07-16T22:41:00.000+08:00

Indeed time and tide waits for no man. Four weeks have passed since we touched down, in a whiz, faster than I can imagine. Tomorrow, my mama turns 58. Quite scary, if I can put that way. I don't know what would I do without her. If I were to list down everything that she has been doing for all the years, it would only reflect off me as a useless bum. Yes, you can infer from that already. My prayer is that God would keep her in good health to a ripe old age. Selfish it may sound, but I would always need her around.

Bunch of us had dinner atop a hill behind Jurong Bird Park. Company was good, always good. Food was alright though a little salty and pricey. View and fresh air was wonderful, a first for all off us. Couples kissing by railings and stairways was mawkish.

When I saw this at the handicraft centre we visited one afternoon, immediately the thought "the potter and the clay" came to mind. The potter would take a lump of unformed clay and with a little water to soften up the mix, start the molding process. So the clay gets molded into whatever shape the potter has planned for. That's straightforward, you might think. But not so, when put into the context of our relationship with God.

God is the potter that molds us into whatever image He has of us, into what He knows is best for us. And us humans, as the clay, need only be obedient and allow God to work in us and shape us. But sometimes we are stubborn, and refuse God's shaping. We push Him away and go our own way. Does God the Potter give up? No! He continues to mold and shape us tenderly and patiently, all the while watching that we don't go so out of shape that we cannot be molded back into something beautiful. It's a process we have to go through, allowing God to work His way through us and in us. Only then can we see the beautiful product that God intended for us to be.

Shall end with a sweet ending. Durian puffs that my mum and I whipped up just so that I could see how it's done and a chocolate white-out cake that was the reason why I got a certain cookbook.

There YOU are!

2008-07-08T21:39:00.002+08:00

I like this picture.
Even though it depicts our last moments in Sawang.

It's been four weeks to date.
These kids have been attending the Children's Church.
Pray for effective evangelising of the Word.

I don't know why I keep talking/thinking about them.
They made a deep impression in my heart, I guess.
But yeah, keep them in your prayers.

And ahh...there girls. It's been a year and they would have grown much!
Just so they know, they are still in my thoughts!
I just wonder when will I have the chance to meet them again.
Soon I hope.

Chef Michael Smith of Chef At Home fame is my favourite!

Would you want to be there too?

2008-07-05T14:38:00.000+08:00

Someone is craving for my cookies. =)

2008-07-02T00:26:00.000+08:00

I was writing a letter to a friend today and the verse from Romans 8:28 came to mind.
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."
Sometimes, more often than not, it is when you look back in perspective that you see how God has been working for our good.

Food for thought. How many more times must we look back to see God prove Himself before we are able to trust Him with our future in faith that things will turn out fine?

A is for all You've done for me
R is I really do believe
I is for inside where You breath
S is the Son who set me free
E is for everything You are My Lord, my God, my King by far

See you again to-more-row.

2008-06-29T22:34:00.001+08:00

My rash that I got 2 weeks ago in Thailand is still flaring up and it seems to leave some darkened spots as it heals. Seems like scars are going to form, especially those that I've scratch till the skin has broken. As Wanyi will put it, "shucks!"

Still feeling a little lost back here in Singapore though I've only been in Thailand for two weeks. It's like I'm in the flow of things here but yet I want to remain in those memories that will one day grow faint. I imagine just chilling with Audrey, Dawn and Wanyi and reminiscing about the trip.

If you get sick from all this sudden rave about Thailand here, please bear with me. Most, if not all, of me does want to share what I've learnt and experienced so to encourage and edify. I'm still in the midst of getting my thoughts and lessons in order and straightening out heart issues.

"Come, follow me," Jesus said, "and I will make you fishers of men."
Matthew 4:19

so do u miss thailand?
How apt.

It's been seven days.

2008-06-28T15:38:00.004+08:00

It's the first Saturday back from Sawang and this morning, I was just thinking of English class and children's church. Yes, the kids from Maan Wai Primary School ( the name's not accurate) really showed diligence in learning because during the first English class, they all whipped out their exercise books and started copying everything that was on the whiteboard. These students made up much of the older class. Words cannot describe the look of eagerness in their bright eyes to learn and participate.

Dawn and I took the older class together twice, and during the second (and last) lesson, we had so much fun, at least to me. We sang and jumped and danced and did actions and it seems the kids didn't want to stop at all. Neither did I. But sweat was running down and my jeans were sticking to my legs. It was icky. But it was really amazing to me, like how the kids have warmed up and are willing to open up.

My prayer for them?
That the seeds sowed in them will one day take root and bear fruit.
That as they come to church and learn about God and Jesus and His works, each individual will experience for themselves the love of God.
That each precious child will acknowledge that Jesus is God and died on the cross, and take that invaluable gift back home to families and friends.
That they will walk in paths made straight by God and not be led astray.

Fast forward to Sawang Daendin, June 2008

2008-06-26T22:31:00.001+08:00

Okay, I'm back.

Drop me a note if you read this so that I know I'm not talking to myself. No particular reason why I left the blogworld or why I'm back again. Maybe a part of me wants to share the what/where/who/when part of my life. Isn't that the whole crux of blogging? Nonetheless, please read on. And I hope it encourages you.

I don't know where to start. Should I pick up where I left off seven months ago? Or should I charge ahead and skip the unnecessary details? Much has changed, so much that I myself sometimes cannot comprehend. In fact, I do like to write. But I tend to beat around the bush too much, like now.

I shall skip all the way to Sawang Daendin, Northeast Thailand, where I spent thirteen days of June 2008. God is indeed too wonderful for us mere humans to ever understand. He took great care of us; sent us new friends with friendships forged; bonded the old friends together like never before; provided the best people at the right time; kept us away from the storms literally; helped us to live in peace with one another; gave us creativity and wisdom to teach; granted us journey mercies (lots of!); blessed us till overflowing! Even though it was not a trip filled with evangelistic opportunities, I do pray that our presence there did bless and encourage the people there, as much as we have brought home with us nothing but praise and thanksgiving to God!

Stay tuned for more sharing and pictures! These are only from the first six days!

Life and death

2007-11-23T23:49:00.000+08:00

John 14:1-6
Do not let your hearts be troubled.
Trust in God; trust also in me.
In my Father's house are many rooms;
if it were not so, I would have told you.
I am going there to prepare a place for you.
And if I go and prepare a place for you,
I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.
You know the way to the place where I am going."
Thomas said to him,
"Lord, we don't know where you are going, so how can we know the way?"
Jesus answered,
"I am the way and the truth and the life.
No one comes to the Father except through me.

The week is done and the formalities are over.
This is the family who mourns the death of a loved one.
Yet look forward to the day of reunion in heaven.
We have hope, hope in the resurrection of Christ.
And grace that we might all be saved.

This is 佳莹 at less than a day old.
Who couldn't wait another 6 more days to celebrate her special day with mine.

I feel like I'm drifting.
Or intentionally propelling myself away.
More and more I want to escape.
To run away somewhere and hide.
From who or what, I do not know
Just drifting, finding my place.

Where should I go?

2007-11-09T23:42:00.000+08:00

Wednesday was a good reminder of just how much of the world is still unreached.
Just how much more needs to be done.
But yet God is sovereign over all.
He draws people to Him in all circumstances.
Man can plan. But God directs.

Then it was a good two days of break from everything.
Waking up when I want to.
Seeming to have all the time in the world to do whatever I want to.
Baked carrot cake.
Made tiramisu.
Baked oreo cupcakes.
Baked nutella cheesecake brownies.
I don't have a penchant for cakes so I cannot really comment.
Just tell me if you want some.
Soon.

It felt so much like Saturday today that I really got it wrong a few times.
I'm not complaining.
I could do with a lot more of this.

On the sidelines, I've finally known it to be true.
That which I dreaded, but expected.
It's not really buried as deep as I think it is or should be.
Just so you know.
It scares me.
And I scare myself.

I just don't want this weekend to end.
Not looking forward to work at all.
You can say I'm fearful of the unknown.
And I really don't like what I have to do.
But work is still work.
I will pull through.
I guess. Just that I'm not allowing myself to work with her.
I'm making things difficult.
But I just don't feel comfortable enough to open up.
Geez.
But I've really got to put down that pride of mine to ask for help.

ฉันรักเธอ

All I want for Christmas.

2007-10-31T22:10:00.000+08:00

I was looking at my calendar today and I realized something.
I could have spent the week leading to Christmas in Thailand.
But I have my commitments here.
So there goes.

"Preach the Word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage - with great patience and careful instruction.
But you, keep your head in all situations, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, discharge all the duties of your ministry."
2 Timothy 4:2, 5

I don't know what to make of it yet.
Have faith, girl.
Have faith.

ฉันอยากไปแม่สายสำหรับคริสต์มาส

Old thoughts awakened.

2007-10-30T00:00:00.000+08:00

"The most important things are the hardest to say. They are the things you get ashamed of, because words diminish them - words shrink things that seemed limitless when they were in your head to no more than living size when they're brought out. But it's more than that, isn't it? The most important things lie too close to wherever your secret heart is buried, like landmarks to a treasure your enemies would love to steal away. And you may make revelations that cost you dearly only to have people look at you in a funny way, not understanding what you've said at all, or why you thought it was so important that you almost cried while you were saying it. That's the worst, I think. When the secret stays locked within not for want of a teller but for want of an understanding ear."

Fretting

2007-10-28T01:08:00.000+08:00

Cannot get anything constructive done.
Cannot get by without a peek at what's happening.
Cannot put my thoughts together.
Cannot be done with it once and for all.
Cannot shake off the thoughts.
Cannot fend off the emotions.

I emerged unscathed.

2007-10-27T13:03:00.000+08:00

I accelerated, spun out of control, crashed, got stuck, couldn't reverse, got some help, went on my way again, accelerated, couldn't meander a sharp U-turn, crashed again, managed to move off on my own, went on my way again, a rapidly darkening sky, didn't accelerate as much, braked more, safe journey till the end.

How much of that is like life sometimes.
The perilous journey we embark on the moment we leave the safety of our mothers' womb.
That we may be so short-sighted we can't even see the next bend ahead.
That even when days seem so dark, soon or later the clouds will part to reveal a shining glory.
That we learn when to slow down, when to speed, when to receive help humbly.

I took a whammy last night.
Startled, I tried to take it in good stride.
But no.
Probably hit harder than it should, than I imagined.
Woke up thinking it was a dream, and I did dream.
But the reality stays.
Can't shake it off.
Trivial.
To me, it never will be.
Never.

A man's best friend.

2007-10-22T21:05:00.000+08:00

Oh Miki please be fine.
Please be fine or you'll blow our minds.

Oh yeah.
My doggie's currently recuperating from her second eye operation in a week.
All to save her sight from an ulcer.
She looks so sad.
And it really breaks your heart too.
I was really fine until "She's part of your family too, right?"
Yeah.
She sure is.

Thoughts

2007-10-22T00:10:00.000+08:00

Nothing much really.
Just that I enjoyed dinner with some slightly crazy people.
In short.

Five more songs to go and a long way it seems.
But hang on everyone!
Enjoy yourself and enjoy what God has given you.
Enjoy because you know who you're doing it for.

Work is...work.
Sometimes I just stubbornly refuse to open up.
I will have to one fine day.
But for now, it's best you leave me alone.
And yes, jabbing me at the sides is one of the worst things you can do.
Sigh.
Avoidance is the step I'm taking.
It's my form of defense.

I'm so tired now.
For lack of a response, I don't even want to try anymore.
I have clammed up.
The initiative is not always mine.
And I don't know why I'm even thinking so much about it.
And into it.

I've lost track of my days.

2007-10-16T23:52:00.000+08:00

A year ago.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KAT!
You're being missed here!
May God bless you as you bless others!

Game.

2007-10-15T23:51:00.000+08:00

You have the uncanny ability to bring me down.
Like a house of cards.
Something that I've been working so hard to build up.
Don't remind me.
Likened to a hand-me-down.
I bring it upon myself.

Don't expect, girl.
Don't expect.
It just doesn't pay.

We Are The Reason

2007-10-14T00:55:00.000+08:00


As little children
We would dream of Christmas morn'
Of all the gifts and toys
We knew we'd find
But we never realized
A baby born one blessed night
Gave us the greatest gift of our lives

We were the reason
That He gave His life
We were the reason
That He suffered and died
To a world that was lost
He gave all He could give
To show us the reason to live

As the years went by
We learned more about gifts
The giving of ourselves
And what that means
On a dark and cloudy day
A man hung crying in the rain
All because of love, all because of love

I've finally found the reason for living
It's in giving every part of my heart to Him
In all that I do every word that I say
I'll be giving my all just for Him, for Him

Now I don't know what to do.
Or think.

Sometimes, just sometimes.

2007-10-13T02:43:00.000+08:00

I'm amazed.
At God, at myself.
How He comes through.
It may seem trivial to you.
But it will never be for me.
He knows how to carry our burdens for us and with us.
If only we let Him.
It really hasn't been like this in a long while.
Let it be.
It has been replaced.

And almost a year to date later, history repeats.
Expected, you can say.
But yet, unheralded.
Shaken within my comfort zone again.
It's only going to get worse.
What with my unwillingness to open up as well.
Yikes.

I enjoy wit and intelligence, coupled with humour and the natural ability to blend it all flawlessly.
I treasure openness and willingness to share.
Heartfelt and unfeigned.
I like.

I forgot to wear blue.

2007-10-11T21:11:00.000+08:00

I can't help dwelling on the negative side of things.
Or what I deem it to be.
I'm becoming too much of a cynic.
And inflicting too much pain on myself in the course.

Those are my little darlings.
They made a good night.
And I do wish that they'd never grow up.
Now that's wishful thinking on my part.

I love medical jargon.

2007-10-05T23:07:00.000+08:00

Just ended a night of baking.
Cute stuff!
Even though it keeps me busy for a few more hours after a day of work,
I really don't mind.
It's the one thing that makes me happy, among other stuff.

Eyelids feel heavy now.
The weariness has been building up since Monday.
Must be the accumulation of late nights.
Been missing all my episodes of C.S.I as well.
And gotta get back to reading as well.
My vocabulary content is just...well...declining.
I've got lots of plans up my sleeves but have not yet gotten down to any.
Time clashes.
Arrgghh.
And soon Ruldolph, the red-nosed reindeer will make its way into the very edges of my sanity.
Ah, how lovely is that thought!
Haha!

Actually have been quite busy baking.
Last week was crazy.
What with Children's day and a 21st birthday.
And a smashed bowl of chocolate mousse all over the cupboard, floor and myself!
But it all ended well.
=)

This chocolate cake caused me much distressed with the watery mousse, the hardening chocolate, the ugly cursive, the runny icing.
In the end, colourful polka-dotted quinns saved the day.
The night to be exact.
Much to my relief.
I'm really so glad the cake was well-received

And here's my boy, who so willingly posed for me!
Awww!!
Never fails to bring a smile to me!!
=)

The sweetest Name of all

2007-09-19T23:33:00.000+08:00

Jesus, You're the sweetest name of all
Jesus, You always hear me when I call
Oh Jesus, You pick me up each time I fall
You're the sweetest, the sweetest Name of all

Jesus, how I love to praise Your Name
Jesus, You're still the first, the last, the same
Oh Jesus, You died and took away my shame
You're the sweetest, the sweetest Name of all

Jesus, You're the soon and coming King
Jesus, we need the love that You can bring
Oh Jesus, we lift our voices up and sing
You're the sweetest, the sweetest Name of all

"Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer,
believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.
And when you stand praying,
if you hold anything against anyone,
forgive him,
so that your Father in heaven may forgive your sins."
Mark 11:24-25

l o s t

2007-09-16T19:46:00.000+08:00

I just don't know why I can't drop the thoughts.
If it's gonna be that way, then I'd have to let it be.
No more choice.
Or was it mine in the first place?
And I really do not want to give chances anymore.
But then again, I know I would.
I always do.
Silly.

The long week looms again.
Not particularly looking forward to it.
Can't pinpoint the origin of my fatigue.
It's just within myself I guess.

The doors are closing.
Gonna lock up and throw the key away.
Goodnight everyone.

Expect nothing

2007-09-15T23:49:00.000+08:00

Expectations are everything, aren't they?
Not the first, but I want it to be the last.
I shall just shut up.
Otherwise.

And yay!
My parcel has reached its destination.
At the very least, I hope it brings a smile.
=)
I'm really praying for you to get well!

The best medicine for me is just sleep.
Lots of it.

On the sideline, I'm missing India.

Was a good eight days of relaxation.
Knowing everything is planned for.
The group of five was great.
The company will never be the same again.
At least not for a long while.
Lab has been pretty quiet lately.
And maybe just me as well.

Shan Prayer Video

2007-09-13T23:52:00.000+08:00

Stirred up emotions.
More prayers muttered to heaven.
Lord, let Your will be done.

This and that and that and that on my mind.
On the verge.
At the edge of an abyss.
Feels like I'm standing still with the whole world whizzing by.

Give them all to Jesus
Are you tired of chasing pretty rainbows?
Are you tired of spinning round and round?
Wrap up all those shattered dreams of your life
And at the feet of Jesus, lay them down

Give them all, give them all, give them all to Jesus
Shattered dreams, wounded hearts and broken toys
Give them all, give them all, give them all to Jesus
And He will turn your sorrows into joy

He never said you'll only see sunshine
He never said there would be no rain
He only promised a heart full of singing
About the very thing that once brought pain

I am

2007-09-10T21:32:00.000+08:00

jaded
–verb (used with object), verb (used without object)
to make or become dull, worn-out, or weary, as from overwork or overuse.

I guess, both intentionally and unintentionally, I'm building a wall around me.
Inch by inch, the higher it gets.

Is it you, or me?

2007-09-09T22:31:00.000+08:00

A rather tiring weekend.
Coupled with an itchy throat and a persistent cough.
Arrrrggghhh.
Spent Saturday evening with secondary school friends.
Everyone seems to look the same, speak the same and even behave the same.
It's just a funny bunch that managed to stay together after all these years.
Well, a good number did go to Hawaii together too.
Check out the pictures.
1997.

Try looking for the genie.

Made cupcakes for the twin kiddos.
Was too tired to take pictures with them though.

And oh!
I got my Pooh cutters along with other cutesy stuff from Japan.
Thanks sooo much!
=)

And last but not least.
Happy Birthday Baba!

Happy Birthday kiddo!

2007-09-07T00:36:00.000+08:00

For the sake of him who reads my blog rather faithfully
Here are 'good mornings' that you now cannot greet.
And more cupcake pictures!
Haha.

It's Friday again.
Wonderful.

I felt overlooked this past week.
And I'm still reeling from it.
But all's good.
Just longstanding issues.
With myself, more like it

Deborah's three already.
=)
Twins gonna turn 4.
=))
Sweet!

Out of sorts

2007-08-28T16:24:00.000+08:00

d e t a c h e d .

Can't put a finger on exactly why I'm feeling like that.
May be due to too many late nights taking its toll.
Right now, I'm just hoping everything will go away.
It irks me, it really does.
And it's rather sickening to be back at this very point again.

Looking forward to the party this Sunday.
No baking treats planned yet though.
Hopefully inspiration will strike soon!

This is what makes it all worthwhile.

No wonder.
Quit thinking, you.
And trust God.

What makes me happy =)

2007-08-15T23:41:00.000+08:00

Cakes and cookies!
Enjoy the feast!

And these are the POOH cookies that I can finally call my own.
My mama made them by the way.
Cute, aren't they?
=)

Snapshots of past and present

2007-08-07T22:53:00.000+08:00

Worship

2007-08-06T23:37:00.000+08:00

The deepest reason why our passion for God should fuel missions is that God's passion for God fuels missions. Missions is the overflow of our delight in God because missions is the overflow of God's delight in being God. And the deepest reason why worship is the goal in missions is that worship is God's goal. We are confirmed in this goal by the biblical records of God's relentless pursuit of praise among the nations. "Praise the Lord, all the nations! Extol him, all peoples!" (Ps 117:1) If it is God's goal, it must be our goal.

This read is deep but it's getting me excited to see what lies in the pages ahead.

The weekend past was blast, beginning Friday night.
A party, wedding, banquet, birthday lunch, art show, super spicy lala lamian.
Lalalalala.
More pictures to come.

And guess what.
I'm back in business again.
=)

Mercy and grace

2007-07-29T21:29:00.000+08:00

I'm back.
Been to Malaysia and back.
Been to Thailand and back.
Been to India and I survived.
Just so you know, I'm considering a return if given the opportunity.

Now I'm back to the realities of the world again.
Caught up with too much in a way,
And yet not.
Catching up on CSI and what's not again.
Things to do yet hampered by procrastination.

As I shared today, I know what is not pleasing to God.
It was as great a reminder to me as I hope it would be to you.
Yet to make a hard and fast decision on directions to take and roles to take up.
I waver a whole lot and indecisiveness takes over.

Yet again, I find my thoughts wandering.

My lovelies!

2007-05-18T23:29:00.000+08:00

The end of another work week.
Been looking forward to this weekend for awhile now.
I hope it goes well.
Welcome to Singapore!

Work has, of late, given me mixed feelings.
Push and pull factors I guess.
The people are great though.
But there are such down days that I don't even feel like talking to anyone.
Not that having new people around helps in any way.

On a happier note, Mother's Day handicraft was a blast!
Kudos to Dawn who hand-drew about everything.
My kids are all so lovely and cute.......and funny!
On the day that I forgot to bring my cam, they decide to cooperate and take pics with me.
But make do with what I have.
And I did!
They really bring a smile to me.
=)

It's time.

2007-05-17T22:51:00.000+08:00

It's been a long time.
Couldn't load the blogspot page properly on my browser.
Anyway, I'm still alive and kicking!

The past one week has been rather brooding.
To keep things short, I'm now only looking forward to camp and thereafter.
I really hope and pray that all the plans come to pass.
After all that has been said and done.
I just feel so drained and tired.

And I don't think it's a coincidence that I came across this song twice this week.
Once while looking through charts.
And I thought," hey, this is an old but meaningful song."
The second time was in this week's worship song list.
Totally unexpected.
Yet expected.

Hearts Courageous
Give us ears to hear that still small voice
And give us lips forever willing to rejoice
And may our eyes be lit with wisdom
May we know the path that's true
And we'll march with hearts courageous after You

We're marching on with hearts courageous
We'll follow anywhere You want us to
And should You lead us to the battle's edges
Let us march with hearts courageous after You

And when the sorrow dims the light along our way
Help us to see each time of darkness through eyes of faith
A time for hope, a time for courage
Knowing You will lead us through
And we'll march with hearts courageous after You

Let the pictures show you the past month's activities!

A friend in need is a friend indeed!

My lovely care group babes!

"My heart and my flesh may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."
Psalm 73:26

Better is one day in Your courts!

2007-04-15T21:17:00.000+08:00

Sometimes it's funny how things turn out.
Give it a rest and things return to the way they were.
As do people.

Oh my!
My babies are growing up!

Days of our lives

2007-04-10T23:18:00.000+08:00

Thank you dearies.
You are the ones who keep me going.

An old song to share

2007-04-02T20:42:00.000+08:00

Make me a servant, humble and meek
Lord, let me lift up those who are weak
And may the prayer of my heart always be
Make me a servant, make me a servant
Make me a servant today

And I stand, I stand in awe of You.

2007-04-01T19:29:00.000+08:00

And I stand in awe of You.
I really do.

It dawned upon me how unworthy I am and how much of a privilege it is for me to even serve You in that manner.
How small I feel.
How small I am.
How You chose not just to die on the cross but to stay on the cross for us.
For me.

Thank you for dying on the cross for me.

I can really never do enough.

And I stand, I stand in awe of You.

Nostalgia

2007-03-30T23:02:00.000+08:00

I'm troubled.
And I need to make a decision real soon.
I have to step out of my comfort zone.
I have to adapt.
Actually I'd prefer having more time.
But things are giving up on me.

Been through thick and thin with me.
Rain or shine.
Holding my memories, happy and sad.
Words and messages that are said only once.
These hold special to me.

But the end is approaching.
Cracking up and muffled voices.
The inability to switch off.
But never a moment of seizure.
Of lag and of hanging.

Soon, it will end and a replacement is inevitable.
But I will miss you.
There will never be another like you.
From the day I had you.
17-12-2003

Goodbye to you, my trusted handphone.

HAHA!!

Beautiful Love

2007-03-28T23:53:00.000+08:00

Beautiful Love - Tanya Chua

看住时间
别让它再流浪
从前我太适应悲伤
你的出现在无意中
却深深撼动我
一起走着没说什么心是满足的

这个世界随时都要崩塌
我没有其他的愿望
假如明天将消失了
趁现在我爱着
只想记得
被你抱着温热的感受

LOVE is beautiful, so beautiful
我失去过更珍惜拥有
多庆幸我是我
被你疼爱的我
紧紧牵住的手
不要放手
永远守护我

LOVE is beautiful, so beautiful
我很快乐你会了解我
我不会再哭泣
是因为我相信
我们勇敢的爱着
每秒钟都能证明一生的美丽

JOO, OJO or OOJ?

2007-03-22T21:03:00.000+08:00

Been almost two weeks without CSI.
Haha!
The past few days were just hectic.
Crafting, baking and celebrating.
Well, I forgot to add sugar.
Turns out that the three month sabbatical from baking had adverse effects on the cakes.
I will bake hard again.
Oh yes, I will.
Then a hugh relief, a relaxing afternoon.
Sakae, Music & Lyrics and Ben & Jerry's.

The whole bunch of us.
Had a great time, much better than I expected!!
=)

Cakes for a children's party?
For JOO?

Or for OJO!

It's for them!
The ones in their 20s right now!
=)

Us and a coloured stripy wall in the airport.

Just chillin'!
Looking sweet and unusual and photogenic!

Westlife

2007-03-15T01:16:00.001+08:00

The whole mess. Thwarted thoughts. Out of sorts. Unquestioned questions. Unanswered answers. Unanswered questions. Unquestioned answers. Insistent and persistent. Selfish and self-centered. Masked emotions. Facades of amiability. Fleeting but unceasing. Hypocrisy. Acute sarcasm. Parasitic replays. Subtlety. Seeking and searching. The colour of green. A lost trophy. The whole mess.

All or nothing

I know when he's been on your mind
That distant look is in your eyes
I thought with time you'd realize it's over, over
It's not the way I choose to live
But something somewhere's gotta give
A share in this relationship gets older, older

You know I'd fight for you but how could I fight
Someone who isn't even there
I've had the rest of you
Now I want the best of you
I don't care if that's not fair

'Cos I want it all
Or nothing at all
There's nowhere left to fall
When you reach the bottom
It's now or never
Is is all or are we just friends
Is this how it ends with a simple telephone call
You leave me here with nothing at all

There are times it seems to be
I'm sharing you with memories
I feel it in my heart but I don't show it, show it
Then there's times you look at me
As though I'm all that you could see
Those times I don't believe it's right
I know it, know it

Don't make me promises
Baby, you never did know how to keep them well
I had the rest of you
Now I want the best of you
It's time for show and tell

'Cos you and I
Could lose it all if you've got no more room
Nowhere inside for me in your life

I like boybands.
They are kinda therapeutic.

Good company relieves the mind.

2007-03-12T23:00:00.000+08:00

Today, I'm a happy girl.
But then again, things may not be how they seem.
It's gonna be a busy week.
Ignorance isn't exactly bliss.
Just choosing to ignore may sometimes be the easier way out.
Afterwhich I will choose the " run-away-and-avoid" move.

All in a day of games.
These people mke me feel young!
Let the pictures do the talking!

Spongeybob Squarepants!

2007-03-05T22:49:00.000+08:00

"NO! How to take leave?"
Oh well, I didn't mean it to come out like that but it did.
I was just frustrated.

Anyway, I just want to thank God for today.
Really.
It's between Him and me.
And I knew He was with me.
He gave me peace.
Amidst my fear and trepidation.
And feeling lost.

I am so glad that Jesus loves me
Jesus loves me, Jesus love ms
I am so glad that Jesus loves me
Jesus loves even me

I wanted to take a shot with them.
But the emcees would have taken a shot at me as well.
So I gave it a miss.
But they were cute!!
=)

Ohana!

2007-03-03T13:35:00.000+08:00

"Ohana means family. Family means no one gets left behind. Or forgotten."
~ Lilo & Stitch

At moments when life is at its worst there are two things that you can do:
1) Break down, lose hope and refuse to go on while lying facedown on the ground banging your fists and kicking your legs or
2) laugh.
~ Cecilia Ahern

A Place Called Here

2007-03-03T00:00:00.000+08:00

"..it's a feeling of knowing something is missing in your life but not being able to find it no matter how hard you look."

"...I can only assume that there's only one thing more frustrating than not being able to find someone, and that's not being found. I would want someone to find me, more than anything."

~ A Place Called Here by Cecilia Ahern

2007-02-26T22:22:00.000+08:00

Does anyone plan to fail?
Not me, as far as I know.
If you think I feel good about it, think again.
No need for you to rub it in.
Having people around me do well is sufficient.
Thank you very much.

"Are the 'A' level results going to be released this week?"
"How come you have such young friends?"
Hmmm.
Yes I do.
But they are such an integral part of my life,
I can't live without them.
Seriously.

There you go, babes.
=)

I said to the LORD, "You are my Lord;
apart from You I have no good thing."
Psalm 16:2

How To Be A Domestic Goddess

2007-02-25T20:18:00.000+08:00

Excerpt from Nigella Lawson's
How To Be A Domestic Goddess:
Baking And The Art Of Comfort Cooking

So what I’m talking about is not being a domestic goddess exactly, but feeling like one. One of the reasons making cakes is satisfying is that the effort required is so much less than the gratitude conferred. Everyone seems to think it’s hard to make a cake (and no need to disillusion them), but it doesn’t take more than 25 minutes to make and bake a tray of muffins or a sponge layer cake, and the returns are high: you feel disproportionately good about yourself afterwards. This is what baking, what all of this book, is about: feeling good, wafting along in the warm, sweet-smelling air, unwinding, no longer being entirely an office creature; and that’s exactly what I mean by “comfort cooking”.

How true. =)

Today was an early Sunday.
Spent in good company.
Billy Bombing as usual.
Borrowed what I hope will be a few good reads over the coming weeks.
Still have to think and pray and consider what I wanna do.

Nope, I do not want my love to grow cold.
So I'm calling out," Light the fire again!"
Because I know You are so faithful.
Lord, You are faithful.
All of my days, I will sing of Your greatness.
All of my days, I will speak of You grace.
All of my days, I will tell of Your wondrous love.
Your love in my life.
Your love.

Leave it to God.

2007-02-19T17:13:00.000+08:00

When you're down and troubled,
When you're sad and blue,
Just leave it to God.
For God holds our tomorrow
And He holds our hands.

Oink Oink.

2007-02-17T23:48:00.000+08:00

Yay!
I received an email from Kat.
She's doing well and adjusted to working in the kitchen.
Anyone thinks we will have a Jamie Oliver in our hands?

I think I'm obsessed.
It's no good for me.
Who am I trying to kid?

I'm taking too long to pen my thoughts down here.
My mind's all over the place.
Or rather, just there.
Have a good night everyone.
.

Happy Chinese New Year everyone!

Some people just don't get it.

2007-02-17T02:05:00.000+08:00

It's a long weekend!
Like finally.
And it'd better be good.
Started off relaxed.
Almost a city tour on foot.
And a Marvel comic movie.
Then shoot, flash, snap.
Nope.
No one was harmed or exposed in the process.
Haha.

Some random thoughts.
Lunch was really good today!

I love cookouts. And all of them as well!

I feel like baking but I don't seem to have motivation.

I am looking forward to the piping decoration class.

Last but not the least.
"I miss you, Kat!!"
From me to you.

It's another week.

2007-02-12T23:00:00.000+08:00

I must say that for a Monday, it went quite well.
Chatting and laughing and joking and being cranky.
I miss just hanging out like that.
In the lab.
One of the rare times.
Haha!

And babe, hang in there!
Don't let such thoughts take away the joy that you have.
Look at happy pictures and think happy thoughts!
And you know that your God will carry you through, anyway.
All the way.

Do not be anxious about anything,
but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving,
present your requests to God.
And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding,
will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:6-7

More shopping, BillyBomb-ing, Ben&Jerry-ing, kbox-ing, steamboat-ing, welfare-ing, circleoftrust-ing awaits!

You surprise me!

Here in Your courts where I'm close to Your throne
I've found where I belong.

It's not a cuppy day.

2007-02-09T01:04:00.000+08:00

My bread-like-textured cupcakes.
The frosting that couldn't hold its weight.
The supposed strawberry flavour that staged a vanishing act.
It really didn't turn out as expected.
Well, at least the whole batch is edible.

Am I too critical with myself?

Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast,
It is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking,
It is not easily angered,
It keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts,
Always hopes, always perseveres.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Love is not a feeling. It’s a choice.

Heroes

2007-02-07T23:21:00.000+08:00

Hello.
You don't know who I am.
Period.
So quit figuring it out.
'Cos you never will.

I am really tired.

Smile dude.
We're all getting older.
Youth is but a fleeting experience.
Happy birthday!

For all the memories etched in stone

2007-01-30T23:59:00.000+08:00

I met my JC friend today.
It was weird.
Then again, maybe it's just me.
I saw her mum, who looked familiar and who was looking hard at me as well.
So I sat down for a few minutes with her family while waiting for my own mum.
It was a long few minutes.
To me, that is.

Those were days long past.
Studying together for A levels.
All our 18th birthdays.
Neoprints and the ones we got free.
Days when I missed you when you went to Malacca for just a few days.
Days I accompanied you to the hospital.
Days we could just hang out everyday together.
And never get sick of each other.
How we stuck together.
Days are great when you are young and carefree.
Days when friends were all that mattered.
Not God, not family.

Well, we all know how vicious girls can get.

But then we felt you were fake.
Eventually the friendship broke down.
And it's broken down from all sides.
Then again, the fake one could have been me all along.

It's close to seven years now.
We've all moved on in our own ways.
"Feeling regretful?", you may ask.
I can only look down and nod ever so slightly.
I'm not one to close in on such time lapses easily.
I tend to run away and hide.
As I did previously.

On hindsight, we were all immature and childish.
But we live to tell the story.
And we live to see the story's end.
In a way, we choose our own ending.
Yet sometimes, it's not within our reach.

Indeed, time and tide waits for no man.

Standing tall in this wide space
Getting lost in Your embrace
I see a fire burning brighter
It's calling me to catch the flame

I feel like I'm falling over and over in love with You
It's not just a feeling but I know that He is real
I feel like I'm falling into the arms of a the might God
It's not just a feeling but I know that He is real

You're drawing me closer to Your side
It's the safest place I know where to hide
With one glance You captured my heart
You speak Your words and set me apart

What's there?

2007-01-29T23:07:00.000+08:00

I feel like going on a month long relaxing Carribean cruise around the Mediterranean.
Blue seas, sunny beaches, soaking up in natural beauty.
Or an adventurous trip to Iceland.
Stay in an Ice hotel, sleigh with huskies and go killer whale watching.
Basically enjoy myself, enjoy life and enjoy God.

"Unfortunately you and I both know it isn't as easy to get away from life as we might think."
quoted by Daniel Ho 29th Jan 2007 10:56:53pm

I'm tired.

A flurry of activity after dinner.
Learnt something.
Don't bake kueh bangkit on a Monday evening.
Doesn't bid well for an aspiring baker.
I shan't comment further.

My nose is running and my eyes are itchy and puffy.
I think i got hit by dust.
Darn.

Goodnight everyone.

Without God's enjoyment, we face condemnation.

2007-01-28T00:37:00.000+08:00

"Therefore, there is now no condemnation
for those who are in Christ Jesus,
because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life
set me free from the law of sin and death."
Romans 8:1-2

My dear Dawn.
Don't doubt who you are or what you can do.
You are special and unique in God’s sight because He made you that way.
And He delights in who you are.
God enjoys you!
So don't think of yourself as lousy or not capable of doing anything.
Every small step taken towards God is a step to draw closer to Him.
Take this time to trust God to carry you through and grow in that child-like faith.
God will come through in your weakness.
Let Him fix you back together again, stronger than before.

"The LORD your God is with you,
he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
he will quiet you with his love,
he will rejoice over you with singing."
Zephaniah 3:17

Who am I doing it for?
What am I doing it for?
Am I just trying to gain that recognition too?
I don't want to ride in your wake.
Maybe I should just give it up.
To You.
I shouldn't even be feeling this way.

No matter how I look at it, I know the truth hurts.
Bottomline is I don't want to lose out.
Just plain jealousy.
That which spurs nothing good out of it.

Oh.
I think I really do contradict myself.

For Who You Are

2007-01-27T13:05:00.000+08:00

I had a dream again.
Playing soccer amidst a setup of booths.
It isn't that simple, ain't it?
I need to take that step of faith.

The other part of my dream.
Made my heart beat faster.
It's not the first time.
I shan't read too much into it.

I contradict myself, don't I?
Whatever.
I don't even know what you're thinking.

For Who You are
Standing here in Your presence
Thinking of the good things You have done
Waiting here patiently
Just to hear Your still small voice again
Holy righteous faithful to the end
Saviour, Hero, Redeemer and Friend

I will worship You for who You are
I will worship You for who You are
I will worship You for who You are, Jesus

My soul secure, Your promise sure
You're love endures always

IL DIVO

2007-01-26T00:31:00.000+08:00

It's been a week passed much in the blink of an eye.
Met up with uni folks.
Accidental meetings.

I've known her for the longest of time.
Primary 1 and our parents already knew each other.
That makes like 20 years?
Oh man!

Class of 2003

Just thinking back to secondary school days.
How assuring to know that all these months past seem irrelevant.
You haven't changed.
I miss my younger days.
And yes, you two too.

Interpersonal relationships.
Politics swarming around.
Not caught up in it.
But oblivion does not last forever.

All or nothing

2007-01-17T00:54:00.000+08:00

One thing I'm glad to have accomplished in 2006 was to 'convert' you to sharing food.
This would have otherwise been impossible.

Days are quieter.
No more singing duets in the FACs room.

Is it just me?
I think I've lost heart.

You.

2007-01-15T00:04:00.000+08:00

I was just trying to recall what I did last Sunday 'cos I remembered sleeping really late.
And then it all came back to mind.

Today, you made my day!
=)

'Cos all You are is all I want, always
Hold me close in Your arms
Oh God, I wanna be with You

Slumber Saturday

2007-01-13T23:17:00.000+08:00

Saturday's gone like that.
Time seems to fly by when I'm anywhere else but work.
I wonder what's next for me .

I did some piping today.
For my auntie's birthday cake.
Try as I might, I couldn't pipe a swirl drop flower to save my life.
And I have to practise on my cursive piping too!

This flower I couldn't achieve so I had to make do with others.
And this is the final product.

I dreamt of Mae Sai twice over two nights.
The second was a continuation of the first.
There was a huge evangelistic event going on, tents and all.
I was present and I saw many familiar faces, Thai and Singaporean.
There was the hustle of women preparing food for everyone in a small kitchen.
There were bunches of people, young and old, seated on the benches.
Throngs of people were shuffling around.
I spoke to some Thai people, in English!
And I can very distinctly remember that the voice I heard, preaching over the loudspeakers.
It was that of Mr. Wayne Ko.

Lord, do you hear my heart?

The relentless rain.

2007-01-13T01:08:00.000+08:00

The relentless rain.
Gloomy weather.
Jam-packed trains.
Soaked slippers, wet feet.
Doesn't help to improve one's mood at all.
Crap.
Whatever.

Now I can understand how it happens.

The babies are all growing up.

Then in August 2005.

And grown up.

Apart from apart.

2007-01-08T23:52:00.000+08:00

The first week of January passed.

Met up with Baba.
She has such a bright future ahead of her!!

Last minute potlucks and a farewell party.

Ups and downs along the way but things went well nonetheless.
** mouths " I DON'T CARE!" **
Thanks to the hard work of certain people.
And the lies.
Haha!

I actually got Kat angry but oh well.

For the greater purpose of things.

She understands. Has to anyway.

Pardon me here.
But I really love the look of the cake!
Haha.
Admiring and smiling at my own work.

070107.
The send-off.

Ahh...reactionless.

I need time, you see.

Maybe one day at a later time, I will let it all out.

Ahhh.....

I can't think coherently.
I don't even know what to say.
Just a simple " You will be missed."

The latest update.
An sms received from Kat at 6:19pm 08-01-2007 reads:
Hello :) in london now gg frankfurt in 1hr.it's 1015am.
The rest of the message will be revealed at my discretion.
Continue to keep her in your prayers!

Now let me share with you the joy of my day.
This is the one picture that REALLY gives me the smiles.

I can just look at it all day long and smile to myself.

Enjoy it!!
EEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Ultraman!! Ultraman!! Ultraman!!

2006-12-31T00:36:00.000+08:00

This was when my ultraman roommate and I decided to spring a surprise on the neighbouring guys' room.
Only to get a cold and listless response.
Disappointment.
Next thing we knew, nerdy terrorists were at our door.
Armed with a teapot, bottle and a squeaky hammer.
There were even innocent bystanders who helped us capture this reunion.

Can you see the cape of a laundry bag?
I can't even remember how it got there!!
Haha!!

Kat.
Isn't is obvious who it is?

There are such in Singapore as well.

Alright.
The above post is totally out of point.

This isn't.

Blessed Birthday to the two JOYs whose birthdays fall on the same day.
And to the one and only JUJU!!

Yes.
She is the Ultraman in disguise.
No points for guessing who's the other one.
=)

Reminiscence.

2006-12-28T23:48:00.000+08:00

These are the ones that faithfully arrange to meet up every April, May, August and November.
It's close to thirteen years that we've known each other.
But it took the four secondary school years to truely know each other.
And how some parts of us haven't changed till now.
It's scary to look back and see how fast time has passed.
And how life goes on without waiting for anyone.

See you in April.

And this is the real name of a chinese eatery.
包今天
Bao Today.

A very late entry.

2006-12-28T23:34:00.000+08:00

Note to all.
This entry was blogged over a few days so things can get pretty random and all over the place.

This Christmas is different.
Spent with different groups of people.
Makes me just wanna have a more meaningful Christmas.
BUT I found myself in a not-so-small circle of trust.
Dearie, you are soooo funny!!

I miss holidays.
Days when you can wake up at anytime you want.
Back to work, the same old routine.
Do I want this all my life?

Youth camp last week.
God had His own plan for me.
Passion. Ignition. Fervour. Zeal.
Refresh. Renew. Recharge.
Perseverance everyone.

For this reason I remind you to fan into flame that gift of God,
which is in you through the laying on of my hands.
For God did not give us a spirit of timidity,
but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.
2 Timothy 1:6-7

Some people really encouraged me.
To see how this camp is gonna change their lives.
Fan the right flame, everyone.
And keep fanning.

And one more thing. I'm really glad that God put new friends in my life this year.
I thank God for the old ones and new ones.
I thank God for all of you, my friends.
And for everything that you all played a part in.

Haven't had that much time to sit down and think about the year past.
Indeed, much has happened.
I will continue to grow and be that person that God has destined me to be.
And to trust Him with each step of my life.
When I fall down, You pick me up.
When I am dry, You fill my cup.
You are my all in all.

Goodnight everyone.

2006-12-17T01:20:00.000+08:00

It's been a rush these few weeks.
So many human issues.
I'm too tired to think logically.
I just crash out every night.
It isn't good.
Not at all.
My eyelids feel like lead.
I'm surviving on overtime all the time now.

Byebye world.
Byebye oven.
Hello camp.

Some previous creations over the week.

This speaks for itself.

I can't think of an interesting caption for this picture.
Any help?
Have fun!

Happy 2nd birthday Zach!!

2006-12-16T00:14:00.000+08:00

Deja vu

2006-12-07T16:50:00.000+08:00

A dark overcast sky brightened with the occasional flash of lightning.
A cool breeze to soothe souls.
A cuppa mocha frappucino.
It's been a long time since I hung out like that.
Relaxed and in no hurry.
And then the security guard came.
~ The End ~

I'm tired. So tired, Lord.

Reverso, Banana, Spumoni and Tiger Sorbet!

2006-12-03T23:53:00.000+08:00

I knew there was something up your sleeves.
From those cheeky smiles and side glances.
And the fact that you all didn't allow me to eat my ice-cream or anything else at all!
But I still had it in the end.
I knew I would!
Thanks Sunday friends!

And in case you don't know,
This is a display of snapspots from my younger days.
Haha!
Try to spot a younger you.

Here's chilling at Timbre previously.
With sleepy people and bad hair!

Nothing changes the fact that I have just seen a quarter of a century pass.
Stay 17 and sweet, everyone!

Goodbye.

2006-12-01T00:04:00.000+08:00

Numb and emotionless.
Her face does not betray her heart.

I hate it when people leave.
Doesn't matter to where.
It's like a void in me appears.
I become cold and the walls are built higher and thicker.
Then I feel helpless.
And I shut myself away.
And the whole cycle repeats.
No wonder they say it's vicious.

Oh boy. More new people gonna join my lab.
I sooooo welcome you.
Not.

When are you going to leave?